(I have often wondered what my writing would have been like had I gone to journalism school… had I learned the “proper” way to report and to write for the MSM type publications in ways that would not rattle those institutions. I once had a professor in college who did everything he could to instill in me the desire to fit-in, to accept the institutional view of whatever process I was involved in. He said I had great potential and that if I could just get over this one little flaw in my character, then anything could easily be within my grasp. With that bit of advice in mind, I am going to attempt to “report” on a recent story, keeping in mind the strict parameters of the current state of modern journalism. Maybe the New York Times will give me a job afterwards…)
by Scott Creighton
Reports show that the poor people are ruining America and certain White House sources, who cannot be named because they haven’t been given the authority to speak about this matter even though they did speak about this matter to this reporter, claim that the poor are actually al Qaeda fighters cleverly planted in this country generations ago as “Sleeper Workers” with the intention to use them to undermine our freedoms by eating all the fast food in America. It was also stated that they hate us for our freedom and our large penises.
That’s just how devious and insecure they really are, according to some experts.
Studies have proven that poor people have no souls and don’t use the bathroom. Pentagon officials, who spoke on the condition of remaining anonymous due to fears of actually being held accountable for what they say, have made it clear that they believe the poor can shoot laser beams out of their eyes and their extensive studies show that if you put 3 poor people into a room together, they will construct a car-bomb out of bubble-gum wrappers and sperm. Then they will use that bomb to attack someone who has something to do with Israel.
Filed under: Satire, Scott Creighton | 11 Comments »
